Merry Christmas!(Wait, what month is it?)Apparently no one told my local gas station that its early March. Because they are still sellingElfbranded Maple Syrup Grahams Goldfish crackers, inspired by the beloved 2003film starring Will Ferrell as Buddy, a human man-child who grows up at the North Pole with Santa Claus and his elves, and thenexperiences quite a culture shock when he ventures into modern society for the first time in his life.Part of that shock comes fromBuddys diet, which is informed by elves eating habits which consist ofnothing but sweets and carbs. In one ofElfs most famous scenes, Buddy makes himself a breakfast of spaghetti, candy, crumbled Pop-Tarts, and maple syrup.As he stuffs his mouth with the sickly sweet concoction, the spaghetti strands dangle from his lips, coating his entire chin in syrupy goo.The whole joke is that Buddys concept ofgood food is disgusting. And yet asElfhas grown into a modern classic, more and more companies have offeredElf-branded food items. Recent offerings includeElfsugar cookies,Elfgingerbread Fudge Stripes,Elfcandy canes, and evenElf breakfast cereal. (Thankfully, it was not spaghetti flavored.)If you can sellElfbreakfast cereal,why notElfmaple syrup Goldfish too? Clearly, if they slap theElfbrand onanything food-related,someone will buy it. And that someone is me, the dummy whopurchsed these things (even though their expiration date is less than a month away!) when I saw them this week at my local convenience store.Granted, I am not just doing this out of morbid curiosity or because I hate myself, although thosewere definitely both contributing factors to my decision. I also did it because I do my best to eatall foods inspired by movies. Why? Well, someone has to. Or maybe Im just stupid. I dont even know anymore.Below you can watch my first taste and review ofborderline staleElf Goldfish crackers...READ MORE: I AteSquid Game Beef JerkyIwill give the ad wizards behind this quasi-monstrous creation this much credit: They didnt justgo for a flavor profile that evokes the movie.By invoking the phrase maple syrupGoldfish,they really captured the I-just-threw-up-in-my-mouth-a-little vibe of that scene with Buddy and the breakfast spaghetti. Maple syrup Goldfish sounds like the galaxy-brainedinvention of a lunatic who has spent his life being raised at the Arctic Circle by Ed Asner.Plus the actual taste was not nearly as terrible as I expected. The texture, with all that heavy dust getting all over my hands, I could have lived without. Im just not a fan of dusty foods; its the main reason Im not a huge Cheetos guy either.(I swear to Ed Asner: If they makeElf Cheetos, Im out of here.) Still, this is far from the worst thing I have eaten for this job.Now if youll excuse me, Im off to go find theHarry Potter butterbeer-flavored Goldfish. And to all, a good night.Get our free mobile appOnce-Beloved Fast Food Items That No Longer ExistThese defunct fast food items have gone down in history. Wouldnt you love to eat them again?