My son was arrested, and I was struggling to understand how I could support him.I decided to let him face the consequences on his own while I wrote him a letter of support.I'm glad I took a step back because it was a turning point in my own growth.I'm not sure any parent is prepared for the jarring phone call that their child has been arrested; I certainly wasn't.When my son, Johnathan, was in high school, he began experimenting with drugs and pushing every boundary. At the same time, I was drowning in my own struggles. After both of my parents died, grief and depression left me physically present but emotionally distant in ways I didn't fully realize.Looking back, I see that Johnathan needed more than I could give. I wasn't absent but wasn't present in the way he needed; I was barely holding myself together.Then came the call I never expected: My son was in legal trouble, and I had to step up as a parent in a whole new way.I had to decide how to support my son without oversteppingWhen I was first facing my son's arrest for possession of marijuana, my sisters were quick to ask how I planned to "fix this" for my son. I, of course, wanted to wipe the slate clean, but I had no control over the legal system. This wasn't going to go away.The truth was, I had no idea how to fix anything for him or myself.This incident happened after Johnathan had graduated from high school and moved out; I had just begun to surface from my own grief, thanks to a therapist I deeply trusted. But I was still struggling and didn't know how to handle this huge event.However, in a session with my therapist, I suddenly realized what I needed to do: I needed to support my son, but he needed to face the consequences on his own. He got himself into this mess, and he was going to get himself out.My therapist was moved. Over the years, she had watched me struggle with codependency, working to support others in a way that was healthy and didn't cross my boundaries. It was a turning point for me, especially in my parenting.Still, showing up for my son was the most importantSince I couldn't influence his legal situation, I did what I could: I wrote him a letter. I wanted Johnathan to know how deeply I felt his pain; when he hurts, I hurt. I encouraged him to lean on faith and surrender to the situation, even though I knew it felt impossible. I reminded him of our shared belief that "everything happens for a reason" something we believed so strongly we even had it tattooed.I reassured him of his worth and his accomplishments, especially his success in sales. I highlighted his strong work ethic and the respect he'd earned from colleagues and managers. I listed the qualities that made him stand out: his leadership, communication skills, reliability, and the trust he fostered with people.I ended the letter with an unshakable truth: I love him no matter what. He could never do anything to make me love him less. I wanted him to know I would always be there for him in every way possible.I believe I did the right thing for my sonWhile it took me some time to enforce boundaries, Johnathan and I have always had great communication skills. Like many challenges we've faced, our ability to communicate, see each other's hearts, and respect each other's outcomes enabled us to move past this issue with grace. He did face the legal issues head-on, and I took a step back but supported him nonetheless.Thankfully, it all worked out. Johnathan is now happily partnered with a wonderful woman, and they're building a life together in California. Letting go of control helped both Johnathan and me. It taught me that real love isn't about shielding children from mistakes but walking beside them as they learn.