Not dating. Not seeing each other. Just talking. Heres how new research defines this confusing, ... More emerging stage of romantic relationships.gettyWhat happens in the time between meeting someone new and officially calling them your partner?Decades ago, you mightve called this the wooing stage: commonly, where a man offered a woman gifts, flowers and attention in the hopes of gaining her affection. Practices like these were considered normal in terms of courtship. Today, however, this stage is much more ambiguous for various reasons.Theres no longer the ever-looming pressure for adults to marry and start a family as young as they possibly can; they now have the freedom to take their time, truly get to know the person and practice cohabitation (living-in) before making the big commitment.Beyond this, however, is the fact that casual romantic and sexual relationships have become increasingly normalized since exclusivity isnt always mandatory when it comes to searching for a partner.Given the change in these norms in recent years, a new stage of romantic relationships has emerged according to September 2024 research from the Journal of Couple & Relationship Therapy. Time once spent wooing is now supposedly spent just talking except, just talking looks different to every person.To both researchers and the people in the talking stage themselves, this romantic juncture can be incredibly confusing. However, through four focus groups with 21 participants and a survey administered to 657 young adults, lead author Scott Sibley and his colleagues were able to explain what just talking really means.Heres what they found in their study.Defining The Talking StageFor Sibley and his colleagues, it was difficult to find a single definition for the talking stage. That said, the majority of young adults within the study conceptualized it in the same way with three core themes emerging:The pre-dating phase. Most participants agreed that the talking stage generally occurs just before the decision to become an official couple. Notably, there was also agreement that just talking isnt the same as just getting to know someone, nor is it the same as casually hooking up or being friends with benefits. Confusingly, the participants also noted that the talking stage can indeed involve physical intimacy. Overall, however, it seems that the talking stage is characterized by there being potential for long-term commitment. The two partners test this hypothesis on their own terms be it by just talking, going on dates, having a sexual relationship or a mixture of these different methods.Ambiguity about commitment. The second most common theme in the talking stage is the navigation of commitment that is, two potential partners discerning whether or not theyd like to become exclusive in the future. However, participants noted that its also possible for individuals to have multiple talking stages with different people at once. Overall, it seems this stage is characterized by fluctuating levels of commitments, which depend largely on how well the process is going with the candidate(s) in question.Unofficial romantic label. Oxymoronically, the quasi-committed nature of the talking stage serves as an intentional non-label for the relationship which, in its own way, still serves as a label. Theyre not dating, but theyre not really single either; theres no explicit pressure, yet theres still a slight expectation. The stage itself is confusing, but referring to it as just talking alleviates some of the stress that it entails. The participants also note that continued intentional communication or talking further alleviates this stress.While conceptualizing the talking stage in definitive terms was tricky, the participants nevertheless had a firm understanding of what it generally entails even considering how widely it can vary from person to person.One participant captured it quite aptly: Its the stage between friends and a relationship. Theres a mutual liking between the two people, and theyre testing the waters before becoming officially dating.Reasons For The Talking StageAfter gauging how participants conceptualized the talking stage, Sibley and his colleagues were interested in the reasons why individuals engaged in just talking prior to entering a relationship. A further four themes emerged:Feeling pressure to keep options open. Considering that most people in the talking stage are relatively young, theres a near unanimous desire among them to keep their options open. As such, just talking requires a shared understanding between two people that theyre having fun without any explicit declarations of commitment. This mutuality makes it much easier to cope if the talking stage doesnt pan out or turn into a relationship as they know they still have time and options.Protecting themselves from rejection. The nonchalant nature of the talking stage can also shield individuals from rejection. As the authors explain, the participants perceived lower chances of being rejected if they ask to just talk with someone, versus the outright rejection that can happen if they jump right to asking someone out on a date. As such, keeping things casual can increase confidence and prevent rushed commitments which, in turn, protects them from the sting of heartbreak.Testing the waters. Most participants agreed that the talking stage serves as an effective way to vet potential partners. A shared interest in frequent communication allows two people to gauge their compatibility. In this sense, the talking stage helps to prevent entering a romantic relationship blindly which, in turn, prevents individuals from wasting their time with a romantic partner that likely wont stick around.Avoiding having to define the relationship. One rather sneaky benefit of the talking stage is, as the authors put it, having your cake and eating it too. Without feeling forced to move the relationship forward in any way, individuals can reap some of the benefits of a committed relationship like having a sense of companionship, intimacy or just a person to do things with without putting in the effort that it requires. The consequences of this generally outweigh the benefits. While it may conserve energy for the person avoiding a relationship, it can also lead to the other feeling hurt or as though they arent good enough to be in a labeled relationship. Moreover, it can also lead to both individuals getting stuck in a romantic limbo of sorts: where the relationship never really progresses, and both individuals get comfortable with the lack of demands that the stage typifies.Participants in the study had mixed feelings regarding the utilization of the talking stage, particularly in terms of attachment or, rather, the lack thereof. For instance, one woman explains, It is exhausting. You are constantly worrying whether the other person is into you and whether they are talking to other girls (which you know they are), which drives you insane.Some participants, on the other hand, enjoy the freedom the stage allows. One participant explains, Most people just talk because they still want to associate themselves with other people and not feel guilty for it, since they dont have a title. Continuing, they note, This lets the two people get closer, but also allows freedom for both partners to do as they please and avoid early attachment.The talking stage seems to be a paradoxical, almost liminal space: both liberating and frustrating, full of potential yet undefined. Although it offers two people ample means for exploration and self-protection, it also threatens them with uncertainty and misalignment more than any other romantic juncture.Overall, however, it perfectly encapsulates the modern struggle between craving intimacy and fearing commitment: the human yearning for connection without risking too much, too soon.Could your prolonged talking stage be a symptom of something deeper? Take this science-backed test to learn more: Fear of Intimacy Scale