If your partner displays even just one (let alone all) of these three behaviors, you’ve definitely ... More got a good thing going.getty In too many areas of life, we’re inclined to search for negatives before we do positives. When we’re looking for a new TV show, movie or book, we look at the bad reviews before we do the good ones. We’re more likely to remember the one rude email we received at work than the five friendly ones that succeeded it. Occasionally, even our relationships fall prey to this pattern of pessimism. We point out weaknesses, in the relationship or even within our partner, more easily than we can point out their strengths. Of course, this is human instinct; it’s rooted in our DNA to do whatever we can to protect ourselves. The problem, however, is that this survival mechanism is difficult to switch off. That is, we forget that there comes a point where we can stop looking for dangers. But just as our brains can be trained to scan for threats, they can also be retrained to look towards the good. Making a conscious effort to recognize what’s going right in your relationship — and in your partner — can transform the way you see them. In the spirit of optimism, here are three signs that your partner is a real keeper. 1. They ‘Match Your Energy’ Colloquially, we often see people refer to the importance of a partner being able to “match your energy” — to be excited when you’re excited, or to feel your sadness in the same way they would their own. While the terminology might not be scientific, there’s ample research that lends support to the idea as a whole. In psychology, “matching someone’s energy” would be conceptualized as “compersion.” According to a 2023 reference in the Encyclopedia of Sexual Psychology and Behavior, compersion refers to the range of positive emotions one experiences in relation to those of another. In simpler terms, it could be understood as the opposite of jealousy: feeling happy when you witness your partner’s happiness, as opposed to feeling threatened by it. “Matching energy,” in this sense, is indeed a very positive indicator in a romantic relationship. In fact, a 2024 study from Emotion notes that greater “smile synchrony (that is, how frequently and quickly partners return one another’s smiles) is associated with greater relationship satisfaction. There’s nothing more discouraging than getting excited about something, only to be met with a blank stare, lukewarm indifference or a dismissive comment. Even if they don’t mean to, incongruencies like these can make you feel incredibly small and silly. So if your partner is able to share in your joy with genuine enthusiasm, you’ve definitely got a keeper. Maybe you just read a fascinating article about penguin parenting habits, or perhaps you finally beat that impossible boss level in your favorite video game. Whatever it is, you should never feel like you have to downplay your excitement to be taken seriously. If your partner can light up, laugh or celebrate right along with you — regardless of how trivial or offbeat the moment may seem — then they’re definitely waving a green flag. 2. They Always Take Your Side One of the most tell-tale signs that you’re in a healthy, lasting relationship is knowing that your partner will take your side when it really matters. It could be during tense moments with in-laws, standing up for you when your own family tends to dismiss your feelings or even offering support during disagreements within the relationship itself. In too many of these scenarios, people end up feeling like they’re fending for themselves, alone. But in a secure partnership, that should never be the case. No matter how complicated or uncomfortable the situation may be, you should feel that, at the very least, your partner will always have your back. Unwavering support like this is especially crucial for people who tend to feel insecure or anxious in close relationships. Stressful situations involving criticism, exclusion or emotional conflict can hit home for them. Without someone in their corner, they may feel the need to defend themselves, shut down or lash out in ways they’ll regret later on. In psychology, this is known as “partner buffering.” As 2020 research explains, this refers to one partner’s ability to help regulate the other’s emotions during times of distress. Sometimes this looks like stepping in to de-escalate a conflict. Other times, it’s simply about reassuring their partner that they’re not alone and that someone’s on their side. Maybe your in-laws are making subtle digs at you over dinner. Maybe your family mentions that one childhood memory that you’ve asked them to stop bringing up. Or maybe it’s something as light as a board game night where things unexpectedly became heated. If your partner is willing to firmly stand by you in these moments — to validate your emotions and speak up when no one else does — then you’re in a relationship that most people can only dream of. 3. They Do Things Without You Asking Them To It’s an unfortunate truth that, in many relationships, one partner ends up having to constantly remind the other of their needs — and often, these are just the basics. But when they speak up, they’re too often labeled as “needy” or accused of “nagging.” But, in reality, it’s nowhere near unreasonable to expect effort from someone you share your life with. You shouldn’t have to convince your partner to show up for you. In healthy relationships, however, this is never the case. There’s no scoreboard, nor a need to repeatedly spell things out. In fact, 2019 research from Personality and Individual Differences notes that choosing an altruistic partner — someone who genuinely cares about your well-being without expecting anything in return — is a smart, successful mate choice. In other words, choosing someone who consistently shows up for you just because they want to is one of the strongest predictors of long-term relationship satisfaction. You don’t need to ask them to put their phone down while you’re talking. You don’t need to chase them to pick up after themselves. And beyond these bare necessities, you don’t need to ask for them for love or kindness. It’s already part of their routine, and they do it without hesitation or resentment. Maybe they come home from the grocery store with your favorite snack or a bouquet of flowers, just because. Maybe they quietly start rubbing your shoulders after a long day without needing to be prompted. Or maybe they simply do the little things they know make you smile, without expecting praise, recognition or anything in return. This kind of selfless love is something only a rare few get to experience. And if your partner ticks all three of the boxes above — if they match your energy, have your back when it counts and show up without being asked — you probably already know you’ve got something special. But if you didn’t know it before reading this, let this be your sign: they’re a keeper. The kinds of relationships described above don’t just survive. They thrive. Take this science-backed test to find out if yours fits the description: Relationship Flourishing Scale