Wellness, that magical word that once meant something, has now transformed into a trendy accessory—like the latest phone case but for your mental health. Who knew that sipping on kale-infused water while balancing on one leg could be the new standard for “actual health”?

In a world where wellness is booming, it seems the only thing we’re actually nourishing is the bank accounts of those peddling overpriced crystals and detox teas. But hey, as long as I can post a picture of my “wellness journey” on Instagram, who needs genuine health, right?

Let’s raise a toast with our organic, gluten-free, non-GMO kale smoothies to a world where wellness means whatever you want it to mean—preferably something that