There are certain social media rules we can all agree on: Ghosting a conversation is impolite, and replying k to a text is the equivalent of a backhand slap (violent, wrong, and rude). But what about the rest of the rules? When can we really remind someone of our old Venmo request? What happens when someone tries to flirt with you on LinkedIn?Fortunately, terminally online writers Delia Cai and Steffi Cao are here to answer all your digital quandaries, big or small. Welcome to Fast Companys advice column, Posting Playbook. This week, Delia and Steffi will both tackle the question of internet shadethrowing and receiving.What are the rules of throwing internet shade? Were all doing it, but whats the difference between being snarky and being mean? I see my co-worker tweeting shadily about our other colleagues and even our manager all the time, and Im wondering if Im the prude for feeling like thats not cool.Steffi: Subtweeting your colleagues on your main feed when you know they follow you is wild work, and I dont think its out-of-bounds to think its not cool. You cant spend eight peaceful hours on Slack together and then switch tabs to see them writing nonsense like, ugh I hate these ugly losers I spend eight hours a day on Slack with. Its awkward! Everyone has problems with their coworkers at some point or anotherbut at least for me, its the insincerity that becomes the grating part of it all.To me, the delineation of being snarky and being mean is the depth of the cut. A catty swipe at someones work is one thing, but taking it to the level of someones personal values and identity is mean. No ones a saint, either! Weve all been snarky, and weve all been mean. But the difference comes when youre not willing to own up to either.I tend to live by the idea that anything you tweet publicly, you should be able to say in person to someones face. Not that the world should be one giant episode of Bad Girls Club, but weve entered the era of social media where I think we can all agree that our statements online can come back to haunt us. So you better be ready to stand on it.Delia: Im all for the basic rules of comedy: Punching up is good, but punching down is bad. Leaving specific names out of it offers good plausible deniability. But your coworkers tweets are crossing the line in my opinion because, as Steffi and I have addressed in the past, people should be very careful about how they mix their online and professional lives. Tweeting about your evil boss is probably punching up, technically, but Id save that kind of shade for your group chats and IRL vent sessions.Steffi: Agreedif I can leave you with one last thing, I will reiterate that you need to stop letting your coworkers follow you on socials. Use your Close Friends tools. If you dont want the smoke, dont light a gigantic fire on your feeds.An article I wrote came out recently, and I saw peoplenot friends of mine, but like, we definitely know each otherdisparaging my writing on X and even in their newsletters. It definitely hurt my feelings, but I also get that criticism is a fact of life. Should I say anything? It just sucks because were not strangers, and I wish theyd given me a heads up. But is that even fair to expect?Delia: Receiving criticism is definitely the name of the game if youre a writer, of course, but youre also allowed to defend yourself! Its up to you. I would probably not say anything but make a nice little mental note (meaning, I would memorize every dastardly word they said), and then simply wait for the opportunity to come when we end up seeing each other in person. Then Id casually bring up something like, So I saw/heard that you didnt like my work! in a kind of cheery voice, and see how they react. A real critic at heart would be willing to engage with you about the work; someone whos just shading for clout will probably start spluttering and backpedal.If they were being more personally shady, i.e., calling into question your character or spreading a rumor about you, then you are well within your right to reach outvia a public reply, DM, or what have youand tell them that theyre being a jerk. Ive personally gone in with a quote tweet around the offending shade and gotten snippy right back, but that is a matter of personal preference!Steffi: Ive been on both sides of this coin, getting heat from people for disagreeing with their hot take, as well as having hordes of people piling on my work and subtweeting my skill. Heres the truth that Ive learned over the years: If you are going to stir the pot, you have to be prepared for a splash zone. Not everyone is going to like your work, just as you arent going to like everyone elses. The same goes for anyone trying to put their work out online, whether its music or paintings or vlogs. Obviously, prejudice and attacks on character are never okay. But to be honest, I think everything else is fair game.Your feelings are entirely valid! No one has ever been raised to handle this kind of digital feedback loop. But I think you have to maintain some level of perspective. At the end of the day, do you still stand by what you wrote? Did it resonate with the people you wanted it to? If yes, then who cares! To be a writer analyzing the world means accepting that your perspective will in turn be analyzed. It is childish to demand sympathetic immunity as a one-way street, and it makes you a poorer writer for it. Actually, Delia imparted some incredibly important advice when I was in the throes of getting a lot of shade about my writing: there is a kind of criticism that sees what you are trying to do and can acknowledge where you fell short, and there is the kind of criticism that is grading you against an entirely different scale. Only you get to decide what you intake and improve on.Ultimately, this is the kind of problem that only really exists online, because most of these mutuals do not have the gall to fight you IRL. And more realistically, I would guess that theyre also trying to curry for some likes online. Who among us? Let yourself feel hurt by it, but know that this will likely be the end of such negativity. Sticks and stones may break your bones. . . .