you better watch out Why The Long Kiss Goodnight is a great alt-Christmas movie Geena Davis and Samuel L. Jackson are sheer perfection as an amnesiac former assassin and PI who foil a terrorist plot. Jennifer Ouellette Dec 24, 2024 11:12 am | 4 Credit: New Line Cinema Credit: New Line Cinema Story textSizeSmallStandardLargeWidth *StandardWideLinksStandardOrange* Subscribers only Learn moreEveryone has their favorite film that serves as alternative Christmas movie fare, with Die Hard (1988) and Lethal Weapon (1987) typically topping the listat least when all you want for Christmas is buddy-cop banter, car chases, shootouts, and glorious explosions. (Massive gratuitous property damage is a given.) I love me some Lethal Weapon but it's high time to give some holiday love to another great action flick set during the Christmas season: The Long Kiss Goodnight (1996), starring Geena Davis as an amnesiac school teacher who turns out to have been a government assassin in her former life.(Spoilers below for this nearly 30-year-old film.)At the time, Davis was married to director Renny Harlin, coming off a disastrous showing for their previous collaboration, Cutthroat Island (1995), which remains one of the biggest box office bombs of all time. (It is indeed a pretty bad movie.) But Shane Black's smart, savvy script for The Long Kiss Goodnight seemed like the perfect next project for them; it was promising enough that New Line Cinema bought it for what was then a record $4 million.Davis plays Samantha Caine, a small-town school teacher in Honesdale, PA, who has no memory since washing up on a beach eight years earlier with a head injury. Since then, she's given birth to a daughter, Caitlin (Yvonne Zima) and moved in with a kind-hearted fellow teacher named Hal (Tom Amandes). She's hired various private investigators to find out her true identity, but only the low-rent Mitch Henessey (Samuel L. Jackson) is still on the case. Then Mitch's assistant, Trin (Meloina Kanakaredes), finally finds some useful informationjust in time, too, since Sam is attacked at home by a criminal named One-Eyed Jack (Joseph McKenna), who broke out of prison to exact revenge after recognizing Sam during her appearance as Mrs. Claus in the town's annual Christmas parade.This coincides with Sam starting to recover fragments of her memory after a car accident following a holiday party. She'd already thought she might be a chef because of newly emerged expert knife skills. (The moment where she tosses a tomato in the air, skewers it into the wall with a kitchen knife, and nonchalantly says to her shocked partner and child, "Chefs do that," is priceless.) But when she ruthlessly snaps the neck of One-Eyed Jack in her kitchenpausing afterward to lick blood off her fingersit's clear that chef doesn't quite cover her unique skill set.A harrowing trip down memory lane Samanthan Caine (Geena Davis) has a quiet life as a small town schoolteacher with partner Hal (Tom Amandes), even if she has amnesia. New Line Cinema Samanthan Caine (Geena Davis) has a quiet life as a small town schoolteacher with partner Hal (Tom Amandes), even if she has amnesia. New Line Cinema "Chefs do that." Sam's memory starts to return after a car accident. New Line Cinema "Chefs do that." Sam's memory starts to return after a car accident. New Line Cinema Sam and Mitch (Samuel L. Jackson) make a daring escape. New Line Cinema Sam and Mitch (Samuel L. Jackson) make a daring escape. New Line Cinema "Chefs do that." Sam's memory starts to return after a car accident. New Line Cinema Sam and Mitch (Samuel L. Jackson) make a daring escape. New Line Cinema Charly resurfaces when Sam undergoes "the torture thing." New Line Cinema A quick makeover and Mitch finds himself dealing with assassin Charly. New Line Cinema Mitch and Charly/Sam are up against some pretty steep odds to rescue Caitlin (Yvonne Zima). New Line Cinema Craig Bierko plays the evil mercenary Timothy who has a history with Charly. New Line Cinema Hell hath no fury like a mother whose child has been kidnapped by terrorists. New Line Cinema Mitch and Sam embark on a harrowing road trip to follow up on the newly unearthed clues to her past identity, which leads them to Dr. Nathan Waldman (Brian Cox, in a performance dripping with sardonic grumpiness). She learns her true name is Charlene "Charly" Baltimore, an assassin for the US governmentand Waldman should know, since he trained her.Sam's memoryand her Charly personareturns with a vengeance after she's tortured by a former target named Daedalus (David Morse). (We're not going to quibble the finer points of the actual science behind focal retrograde amnesia. Sam's memory loss is what's known in the industry as a "buy"a plot point that simply exists without much explanation, in order to tell a better story.) Sam/Charly and Mitch team up against mercenary terrorist Timothy (Craig Bierko) and his corrupt government allies to foil a plot dubbed "Operation Honeymoon"and rescue Sam's kidnapped daughter in the process.Yes, there are some cheesy elements and the film's action is frequently over-the-topbut not any more so than countless other hugely popular action movies, particularly those from the 1980s and 1990s. It's all that wickedly sharp dialogue, expert pacing, and strong performances from the cast that makes the movie fire on all cylinders. Anchoring it all is the bickering dynamic and powerful bond between Sam/Charly and Mitch. Davis and Jackson have undeniable on-screen chemistryan essential ingredient for any successful buddy-cop action filmand both are clearly relishing their respective roles.It's a Christmas movie because it takes place at Christmasplus all those traditional holiday trappings frequently figure into the plot in small, clever ways. (Do be aware it's R-rated if you have young children.) And of course there is a happy ending, although in an early cut, Mitch died saving Sam and her daughter. But during a test screening an audience member hollered, "You can't kill Sam Jackson!" And the studio wisely reconsidered. Instead, Sam retires to the country and makes sure Mitch gets public credit for his role in foiling the plot. This leads to his hilarious appearance on Larry King Live, telling millions of viewers that he's "always frank and earnest with women. In New York I'm Frank, in Chicago I'm Earnest."Okay, so The Long Kiss Goodnight didn't exactly light up the box office when it was released, earning $95.4 million globally against its $65 million budget, despite mostly positive reviews. But it remains one of Davis's favorite roles, right up there with Thelma in Thelma and Louise (1991). (It's still Harlin's favorite of all his films.) Even Jackson told GQ in 2018 that of all the films he's been in, The Long Kiss Goodnight remains his favorite re-watch. Are you really gonna argue with Samuel L. Jackson? Just go add it to your holiday queue already!The Long Kiss Goodnight is currently streaming on Prime Video.Jennifer OuelletteSenior WriterJennifer OuelletteSenior Writer Jennifer is a senior reporter at Ars Technica with a particular focus on where science meets culture, covering everything from physics and related interdisciplinary topics to her favorite films and TV series. Jennifer lives in Baltimore with her spouse, physicist Sean M. Carroll, and their two cats, Ariel and Caliban. 4 Comments