Comparing The Hook-Up Culture To Intentional Dating In Young Adults
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College couple in a library.gettyEver since the 1990s, theres been a shift in the romantic relationships of young adults. For example, according to a 2024 report on OnlineDivorce.com, 20 years ago, many college students married soon after graduation, with the national median age of marriage being 25-26. However, since 2019, the median age has increased to 28.4 years for women and 30.1 for men. Even though getting married is no longer normative for emerging adults between 18 and 25 years of age, this group is still highly invested in dating relationships.There are many misperceptions about the dating relationships of young adults, especially for college students. For example, many assume that the campus hook-up culture is focused on sex. However, according to the 2024 National College Health Assessment, 50.4% of college males, and 46.1% of college females reported never having vaginal sex. Among those who were sexually active, an overwhelming 71.5 % of college males and 76.3% of college females reported having just 1 sexual partner in the previous 12 months. Furthermore, many assume that students who are intentionally dating are only interested in long-term relationships. However, intentionally dating strategies can be used by individuals looking for casual relationships.Correcting these misperceptions is important. As described in a 2024 report on VeryWellMind.com, falsely assuming that most students overindulge in the hook-up culture can result in some students pressuring themselves to engage in problematic behaviors. Likewise, falsely assuming that intentional dating equates to long-term dating or marriage might result in some students easily becoming emotionally invested in a new romantic partner.What Is The Hook-Up Culture?Traditionally, the term hooking up referred to casual sexual encounters without the expectation of a committed relationship. Though some students are interested in casual encounters, recent research suggests that hooking up is not so casual. For example, a 2021 report on PsychologyToday.com outlines how many college students hope that hooking up will lead to future contact and a committed relationship. This report also highlights how the term hooking up is nebulous and may not even include sexual behavior. For example, two students might hook up at a party, but this means they talked all night as if they were a couple.Hooking up can be described as a behavioral strategy to dating, in which a person seeks to enjoy experiences with a potential partner. Individuals interested in hooking up engage in behaviors, such as going to bars, that provide opportunities to connect with a person that they are attracted to. Again, those who use the hook-up strategy may not want casual sex, but their intention is likely focus on the initial moments of connection, with little focus on what happens afterward. This intention explains popular studies about dating, such as those highlighted in a 2018 report on Inc.com, which suggested that it took people just 3 seconds to decide if they were attracted to a particular person and wanted to see that person again. The people in these studies were most likely focused on hooking up.MORE FOR YOUWhat is Intentional Dating?Intentional dating can be described as a cognitive strategy to dating, in which a person establishes standards/criteria that filters out people from being a potential partner. Individuals interested in intentional dating usually value a certain combination of qualities and will wait for a partner who has this combination. Its possible to use intentional dating strategies for selecting casual sexual partners; however, individuals who intentional date generally put less focus on the initial moments of connection and more focus on what happens afterwards. It will probably take longer than 3 seconds for these people to decide if they want to see an attractive person again.An example of an intentional dating strategy is answering what this author has called the four P.P.S.T. questions about a potential partner. These questions are: What type of Person is this? Is this person a healthy Partner? Do I want to be involved in the Situation that this person is in? Is this the right Time to be with this person? The intent of these questions is to filter out those who dont meet ones standard for dating.According to the report on OnlineDivorce.com, the marriage rates of college students who date range from 5-14%. A contributor factor to these low rates is that many students havent consciously decided if theyre engaging in the hook-up culture or practicing intentional dating. Furthermore, some parents might experience a disconnect while talking about relationships with their students due to not knowing which strategy that their student is interested in. Thus, its important for students and their parents to understand how the hook-up culture compares to intentional dating.
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