Caring should be voluntary, not owed. If you find yourself keeping score, these three mindset shifts ... More will help you step into a healthier love.getty In the process of choosing a partner or deciding if what you’re getting in a relationship is truly what you deserve, it’s natural to reflect on your needs and expectations. Knowing your worth helps you recognize red flags and avoid “settling for less.” But there’s a fine line between having healthy standards and feeling entitled to someone else’s time, energy or emotional labor without considering their perspective or capacity. To be clear, wanting a partner who respects you and makes you feel valued is not entitlement. The trouble begins when those wants quietly shift into assumptions, like believing that because you’re a good partner, the other person should act a certain way, or that effort should always be equal and immediate. Relationships aren’t transactional. Sometimes, feeling that you’re owed something just because of what you bring to the table can block genuine connection and growth. This is exactly what “entitlement” in relationships can look like. It can usually be disguised as fairness or reciprocity and may not seem harmful at first. But over time, it creates a dynamic where love and care become conditions rather than choices. You might find yourself thinking, “If I’m doing all this, why aren’t they matching it?” or “They should know how I feel without me having to say it.” It’s important to recognize entitlement in your relationships, whether it’s something you’re experiencing or noticing in your partner. Here are three ways you can actively work to disrupt this pattern in your relationship. 1. Make Space For Both Of Your Needs Sometimes, entitlement in relationships stems from a deep-rooted focus on getting one’s needs met, often at the expense of mutual understanding. Shifting toward a more caring, collaborative mindset starts with recognizing that relationships thrive when both partners feel seen and supported. Rather than approaching your partner with a sense of emotional, physical or material expectation, it helps to ask, “Am I expecting too much? Are my needs the only ones being prioritized here?” A 2023 study published in Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin found that individuals who endorsed self-transcendence values like benevolence (care for close others) and universalism (concern for the broader good) tended to report higher-quality romantic relationships. This is largely because these values promote pro-relational attitudes, which are mindsets that prioritize the well-being of both the relationship and the partners involved. People with pro-relational attitudes tend to demonstrate more empathy, actively nurture the relationship and approach conflicts with a focus on collaboration rather than personal gain. While it’s important to acknowledge when things may not be going well in a relationship, take a step back to assess if your expectations are coming from a place of entitlement. Rather than solely focusing on what’s lacking, try to understand if your needs are rooted in a desire for fairness and mutual respect rather than a sense of being owed something. Balancing this awareness with gratitude can help cultivate a healthier, more cooperative relationship dynamic. 2. Let Go Of The ‘Quid Pro Quo’ Mentality In relationships, it’s common to fall into the trap of a “Quid pro quo” mentality where you expect every action should be reciprocated. This mindset operates on the assumption that for every emotional, physical or material effort you make, there should be an equal response from your partner. However, relationships based on this transactional approach often lead to disappointment and resentment when expectations aren’t met. Instead of looking at your relationship like a balance sheet where every favor must be accounted for, consider shifting toward a more unconditional mindset. Research on competitive behavior in young couples highlights the negative impact of this mindset. Researchers found that individuals with lower self-esteem were more likely to engage in competitive behaviors within their romantic relationships. This competition, driven by a need to prove one’s value, often manifests as one-upmanship, whether it’s in achieving goals, receiving affection or managing household tasks. However, this behavior tends to lead to conflict rather than strengthening the relationship, as it creates a divide instead of inviting collaboration. Breaking free from this mentality requires more than just shifting your mindset. You need to begin embracing the joy of giving without the pressure of receiving. Try to focus on moments of pure selflessness in your relationship. For example, surprise your partner with something meaningful to them without any expectation of getting something in return. This doesn’t mean never expecting anything from them — the goal is to cultivate a sense of fulfillment that doesn’t rely on reciprocity and to reinforce the unconditional nature of your bond. 3. Don’t Expect Your Partner To Be Your Emotional Fix-All In a relationship, it’s easy to fall into the belief that your partner should always know how to comfort you or perhaps that they’re somehow responsible for making you feel better. This subtle sense of entitlement can show up as frustration or disappointment when they don’t respond the way you expect. You may even find yourself thinking, “If I’m upset, you should fix it.” But your partner isn’t a mind-reader or an emotional problem-solver. They’re human, and sometimes they won’t have the right answer or energy to help. Instead of depending on them to constantly carry your emotional weight, focus on building your emotional steadiness. This allows your partner’s support to feel like a natural expression of care, given without any underlying pressure. A 2024 study reveals that individuals who regulate their emotions better are more likely to have positive relationships. For example, those who can manage their emotions tend to communicate more effectively, leading to healthier expressions of feelings within the relationship. Additionally, emotional regulation encourages empathy and support, both of which contribute positively to relationship satisfaction. On the other hand, difficulties in emotional regulation can lead to conflicts, misunderstandings and dissatisfaction. So, it’s crucial to focus on building emotional resilience for both your well-being and your partner’s. Start by processing your emotions independently, finding ways to soothe and regulate yourself. This self-awareness will help you communicate better and stay calm when challenges arise. When you do need support, approach your partner with openness rather than expectation. Remember, it’s okay to lean on each other, but it’s essential to also cultivate the ability to comfort and steady yourself. This balanced approach enhances intimacy and long-term relationship satisfaction. To truly break the cycle of entitlement in relationships, it’s crucial to shift your focus from what you feel you’re owed to what you can offer. This means moving beyond the idea of love as a transaction and embracing it as a choice that both partners willingly make. Instead of assuming your partner should meet every need or fulfill specific roles, focus on contributing to the relationship without expecting a direct exchange. True connection thrives when both partners bring their whole selves to the relationship, free from a sense of obligation or entitlement. Is your relationship mindset rooted in connection or entitlement? Take this science-backed test to find out: Sense Of Relational Entitlement Scale

It's been 12 months since Sarah Khan and her husband became digital nomads. Bali was her favorite place to work. Sarah Khan 2025-05-16T00:14:01Z Save Saved Read in app This story is available exclusively to Business Insider subscribers. Become an Insider and start reading now. Have an account? Last year, Sarah Khan, 33, and her husband moved out and became digital nomads. So far, they've worked from Bali, Rome, Tuscany, Bangkok, Phuket, and Alicante. Bali has been her favorite place to work. The Mediterranean sparkles to my left as I type from a foldable desk on the terrace of a cozy home in a quiet coastal town in Spain. Rolling green hills stretch to my right, framing the space that will be home for the next three months, until we pack up and move again.It's been 12 months since my husband and I embarked on a nomadic life. We sold everything, ended our four-year apartment lease in Singapore, and boarded a one-way flight to Bali. Since then, we've worked from Bali, Rome, Tuscany, Bangkok, Phuket, and now the coast of Alicante in Spain.Friends and fellow travelers often ask, "Where's your favorite place to work?" I'm sometimes hesitant to answer because it's so subjective. Choosing a base as a nomad involves a different set of criteria than picking a vacation spot. For me, factors like community, longer-stay visas, reliable WiFi, easy access to nature, and a vibrant wellness scene are at the top of the checklist. Still, if I had to choose, the place that stands out— and one I'd happily return to — is Bali. Rent for the villa in Bali was $1,800 a month, which included a pool, fast WiFi, and weekly cleaning. Sarah Khan I felt at homeBali was my first port of call as a digital nomad, and I spent a happy four months working and living there.Despite internet discourse about how "overrun" parts of the island have become, it remains my favourite place to work remotely to this day. Perhaps I'm biased — with my Indonesian roots and years of vacationing there, I feel instantly at home.My husband and I chose Berawa as our base, a laidback neighbourhood just outside the buzz of Canggu. Located on Bali's southern coast, Canggu has transformed from a sleepy surf village into the island's hippest enclave, packed with trendy cafés and black sand beaches that draw yogis and surfers in equal measure.This was my first time staying in Berawa, and it turned out to be the ideal spot for an extended stay. You get proximity to the action of Canggu without actually living in the thick of it. My two-bedroom villa, tucked down a quiet lane off a main road, placed me less than 10 minutes from central Canggu.Bali's cost of living has crept up in recent years, but it still offered value for our longer stay. Our villa rent was $1,800 a month, which included a pool, fast WiFi, and weekly cleaning — less than half of what I'd paid for my apartment in Singapore.A remote worker's dream setupBali was an easy place to get started on my nomad life. The island is exceptionally well-equipped for long stays: the WiFi is generally reliable, there are plenty of supermarkets and pharmacies available for daily necessities, and ride-hailing apps are affordable and convenient. After a year on the road, I've come to appreciate how rare this combination is.The island also boasts one of the best remote work ecosystems I've experienced, from coworking spaces like Outpost and BWork to laptop-friendly cafés. I rotated through a few favourites: the workspace upstairs at Woods, Zin Cafe, and Lighthouse, a coworking café with beautiful rice field views and its own on-site podcast and video studio. Lighthouse is a coworking café with beautiful rice field views. Sarah Khan It's also easy to stay active and healthy in Bali. Gyms, yoga studios, and affordable massages are aplenty, especially around Berawa. And food options are great: from warungs serving fragrant local dishes to health-forward cafés and world-class restaurants.When work felt overwhelming and I needed a break, I could hop on a scooter and be at the beach in minutes. There were also many options for weekend escapes: We managed trips to the pristine Nusa Lembongan and Ceningan islands, a day trip to serene Sidemen, and explored the east coast's slower-paced beach towns like Amed and Candidasa.These experiences revealed a quieter, more soulful side of Bali — one I'd missed on past short trips. Weekend escapes included a visit to an outdoor spa in Sidemen. Sarah Khan The downsidesOf course, no place is perfect. Traffic in Canggu can be chaotic, and the island's infrastructure is still catching up with its tourism growth. There's also a digital nomad community that, at times, can feel like a bubble and disconnected from authentic local life.But once you find your rhythm and favourite nooks, it's easy to tune out the noise and settle into Bali's slower, softer pace.I made it a point to skip the touristy spots, stay just outside the main areas, and design my life and routine around the kind of experience I wanted.A year into nomadic living, I've felt uprooted, disoriented, and occasionally exhausted. But in Bali, I found a version of myself I liked: Focused, centered, and rested. Recommended video