Weve all been through it. Telling a friend something they may not want to hear. Maybe a friend is dating someone who treats them poorly, or they did something that upset you. Or maybe its something smaller, like an outfit that just doesnt fit. Should you be honest all the time, or are there times when brutal honesty is mean-spirited? Its not always so easy to tell.Brutal honesty prioritizes truth over the feelings and sensitivity of the person who may be on the receiving end of it, according to Sabrina Romanoff, a clinical psychologist in New York.It means being more rooted in sharing how you genuinely perceive a situation than being a caretaker to the person who may feel hurt by your message, she says. Its honesty without tact, consideration, or discretion as no editing or filters to soften the message are attached to it.Some of us dislike being brutally honest more than others because we just dont know how the friend on the other end will receive the thoughts or advice that were providing. However, there are some benefits in doing so.Brutal Honesty Is Good for FriendshipAccording to Mark Vernon, a psychotherapist, and author of The Meaning of Friendship, when deciding whether or not brutal honesty is beneficial for a friendship, you need to know whether youre being honest with yourself at the same time as youre being honest with your friend.Brutal honesty doesnt work when you dont like something in a friend, but really its your problem rather than their problem, says Vernon.For example, if your friend is dating someone whos married, and youre upset about it because you have some concern about a problem in your own marriage and youre not honest about the fact that your own problem is whats bothering you, then brutal honesty isnt beneficial, says Vernon.But if youre truly concerned with your friends well-being and clear about your own motivation, then brutal honesty can be helpful to your friendship.The hope is that theyll see that youre concerned with them and that you dont have mixed motives, Vernon adds.The Downside of Brutal HonestyThe bottom line, says Vernon, is that brutal honesty helps a friendship when your innermost motivation is concern for the person to whom the honesty is directed. If this isnt the case, you need to take a closer look at why youre being honest in the first place, says Vernon.On the other hand, Romanoff contends that sometimes brutal honesty can be misinterpreted, and the person providing it risks being rejected for their opinions. The person being brutally honest should be prepared to be chastised for their thoughts.Brutally honest people tend to be judged as insensitive, arrogant, and in turn, may be avoided, leading to isolation and loneliness, says Romanoff. Many radically authentic and brutally honest people are misunderstood and are not universally liked.Its the people who are the most skilled at concealing their opinions that tend to be the most well-liked by those around them. When youre skilled at sugarcoating the truth, youre more likely to keep people happy.This way of operating also hurts friendships because without a delicate balance between honesty and tact relationships lack depth and closeness, says Romanoff.If youre brutally honest with a friend and they know youve provided that honesty because you genuinely care about their wellbeing, thats when a friendship can thrive. This is when your friend knows that you were willing to go through what can be an uncomfortable situation because you care about them.Friendships are different than almost any other type of relationship because theres nothing else keeping you together beyond the bond that youve built. In a romantic relationship, you might maintain the relationship because of your shared home or your children and with family because of your shared familial ties. But friendships are entirely chosen, and thats why nurturing them and choosing the right course when it comes to honesty is so important.Article SourcesOur writers at Discovermagazine.com use peer-reviewed studies and high-quality sources for our articles, and our editors review for scientific accuracy and editorial standards. Review the sources used below for this article:Current Opinion in Psychology. When the truth helps and when it hurts: How honesty shapes well-beingSara Novak is a science journalist based in South Carolina. In addition to writing for Discover, her work appears in Scientific American, Popular Science, New Scientist, Sierra Magazine, Astronomy Magazine, and many more. She graduated with a bachelors degree in Journalism from the Grady School of Journalism at the University of Georgia. She's also a candidate for a masters degree in science writing from Johns Hopkins University, (expected graduation 2023).