We often shy away from showing our soft side at work. But what if thats our biggest strength.Heart in brackets.We can measure our success in many ways. Picking supportive metrics is a big part of a UX designers job, so my idea to check how my team was doing wasnt anything spectacularly unusual.We approached it from multiple angles: collaborating with colleagues from development teams, conducting research with directors and managers (the one shelf up approach), engaging with clients, and providing 360-degree feedback for every team member. I wanted to know how we were seen as a team, as smaller project sub-teams, and as individual people.It was also the time when we were preparing a big presentation summing up what wed done so far, the scope of our skills, and the directions for our teams growth. A team we proudly called DesignQueens.I remember the moment. It was the end of the workday. I was going through the slides the girls had prepared (specifically, Asia), and then right in front of my eyes it appearedand heartwritten in brackets, slipped into my job title: Urszula Kluz, Head (and Heart) of ProductDesign.And it wasnt the KPIs, it wasnt the certificates, it wasnt the survey results. Those two little words in brackets were, my friends, the best measure of my leadership I could everimagine.No dayIts been two, maybe three years since that moment. In the meantime, Ive changedjobs.It was a Friday. We were wrapping up two intense weeks of work, closing out the quarter for the whole organization. Lidija, the product lead I was working with, an absolute work titan, was crushing it in every meeting. I watched her craft with admiration.While everyone else was finishing their wrap-ups, I was tinkering away on a little side project: a proposal for a new feature for our product. I knew it was a bit of a subversive idea, so in the meantime, I had researched it, prototyped it, and even discussed implementation with the developers.Proud as a peacock, I peeked into Lidijas calendar. A half-hour slot. I write: Lidija, Ive got a great idea Id love to tell you about; perfect topic to end a heavy week and step into the weekend with asmile.And she replies: Ula, todays my No Day. How aboutMonday?No Day. And thats when my admiration turned intorespect.Her self-awareness (of herself, of our relationship, of me, of the product) was unique. She knew her current state could affect not only a design decision but also the motivation of a team member and she could manage that consciously. Most importantly, she was honest with herself and withme.So, my friends: if these two stories have struck a chord with your curiosity and youd like to know a bit more, readon.Just please, dont treat this as a complete leadership guide; thats not even what Im aiming for here. Think of it more as the account of someone whos been there, and with time is now collecting and making sense of her own experiences.Because yes, you can. You can be the change you want to see in theworld*.Tender and a bit mischievousBefore I built (or maybe its more accurate to say: we built) my dream team, I had already worked as a co-editor of a magazine, a curator of group exhibitions, and the head of my own graphic designstudio.And while my work in all those different fields brought more or less spectacular successes (always delivered with flying colors), I would walk away feeling lonely and physically drained.So when Micha came to me and said: Ula, what you do, your approach, is brilliant. We need to build you a team, I didnt feel like it was a compliment or some big career promotion. Instead, I got chills thinking about sleepless nights and doing all the work for and instead ofothers.Luckily, I had enough courage and curiosity to approach building a team differently this time. And no, I didnt know how to do it. I only knew one thing: it had to be different in every possibleway.And that it wouldnt be comfortable forme.Different frommeThe time came for my first recruitment. I went through all the CVs myself and invited about a dozen people for interviews. Patrycja was my last interviewee thatday.I asked her to tell me about her favorite project. She shared her screen and for a few seconds, I was staring at a perfect world: a spotless desktop, neatly structured folders, and file names (seriously, not a single new or final_v2 in sight). And in the design files, every layer, every component had a proper name, following a thoughtful namingscheme.At first, I could barely focus on what she was saying. I was so impressed by her orderliness.And what Im about to say is important:My first instinct was a voice full of insecurity: You cant hire her; shell expose your messiness. What will she think of you as aleader?My second instinct was a voice of reason: With her, you have a chance to getbetter.And then, for two hours (seriously!), Patrycja spoke passionately about her project, and I silently celebrated the thought of working together.And indeed, thanks to Patrycja, I developed this internal filter that, during later recruitments, helped me spot subtle hooks in CVs and create interview settings where a persons unique qualities couldshine.Thats exactly what happened in the last interview I ever conducted Or actuallyhehAgata conducted it with me:) Because for the entire hour, it was me (and the product owner) answering her questions: about our values and how we put them into practice, about the project and team structure, about the flow of running projects, roles, and responsibilities.This young woman, who thought of herself as a junior, with those mature questions, outpaced more than one senior in my eyes. By the end of the interview, I didnt need to ask her a single question. I knew I was talking to someone deeply self-aware.Building a team by cloning yourself might be easier than working with people who challenge your internal status quo. But its precisely those people who help you question your own assumptions and become better in directions youd never plan for yourself.In To Succeed Together, We Need to Value What Makes Us Different, Kim Scott explains how homogeneous teams often suppress individuality and innovation, arguing that true progress comes when we honor one anothers individuality rather than demanding conformity.Special opsunit.This strategy of seeking out the different one led us to build a team with a really wide range of skills. It meant we could match people to projects (and projects to people) in a way that met all sorts of demands. And of course, looking at the team and our hard skills, we aimed to grow so that all the key product design skills were covered, while still letting each of us specialise in our own path, and at the same time build a strong shared foundation.But Im not going to get into the hard skills here. Whats far more interesting is applying the different one principle to soft skills. Thats especially crucial if you see a designers role not just as a screen drawer, but as a partner who brings in data and represents the users point of view in strategic decisions.Lets be honest: in agency work, you rarely get clients with a deep understanding of UX. More often, the whole job of education and communication around UX lands squarely on the designers shoulders. Thats why a diverse team matters so muchit gives you the ability to match the right person to the right people (and here Im deliberately saying to people and not to the project, because its about the humans who runit).Heres how it worked forus:PatrycjaFearless PathfinderIncredibly independent, proactive, humble, and brave. After just two years on the job, she could run complex projects on her own and stand as an equal partner to ProductOwners.AgataRational ExplorerShe had research for everything. She could always back up her decisions rationally (right here, right now) even in stressful situations, because she had a huge reservoir of knowledge and knew exactly how to useit.AsiaWow Factor MavenShe could solve a visual problem in a matter of moments, leaving everyones jaws on the floor. She wasnt afraid to design live with the client and was irreplaceable whenever a true wow effect wasneeded.JustynaEmpathic PeacemakerHer smile and way of being could melt even the iciest hearts. You know the DunningKruger effect? Well, Justyna was a master at talking to that type of client who thought they knew something, and could work her magic so they actually ended up learning something.Pretty impressive, right?Tools that supportgrowthYou know, there are two kinds of pearls: the perfectly round ones that work great in a classic necklace, and the unique, baroque ones that need the right setting to truly shine. I had the latter. And the setting was: rhythm, structure, and strategy.RhythmRhythm is a pattern that gives you the comfort of predictability and automates processes, reducing the number of unknowns. Thanks to that, it creates safe conditions for growth and creativity. Its important for the team to discover its own rhythm and be able to modify it flexibly.Heres what it looked like for us (take it as an example, not a recipe): twice a week we had calls to share insights from projects. We often ran a dozen topics in parallel, so democratizing knowledge was a great development tool (for both the team and individual members). It was also a moment to solve ongoing problems before they turned into fires. Every now and then, such meetings turned into knowledge sharingexchanging thoughts after trainings, readings, or testing new knowledge.Activities covering a longer period or a larger number of events (e.g. a retrospective after implementing a new workshop formula) we organized as one- or two-day workshops in inspiring places. Sometimes that meant escaping a storm in the mountains, petting dogs, or floating on a lake on inflatable unicorns.The last element of this rhythm was knowledge exchange with other specializations (e.g. analysts or the Q&A team), thanks to which our solutions were consistent with the rest of the process and stayed in touch with the realities of delivery.Rhythm gave us daily fluidity, but on a larger scale, we also needed a clear team structure in the organization.StructureOur team structure looked something likethis:I was the first point of contact for other departments needing graphic support (marketing, sales, delivery), and at the same time I acted as a filter protecting the team from distractions, so that no one interrupted their work. Knowing the project roadmaps and each designers workload, I could efficiently coordinate priorities.But the most interesting element of this structure was the idea of having two designers in a project, even if the project was small. The first person acted as the lead for about 80% of the time, the second, as support for the remaining 20%.As you can probably guess, its not easy to convince managers and clients to involve two people instead of one in small projects. And thats where the third element comes in: strategy.StrategyStrategy is nothing more than understanding problems and needs, and finding solutions that benefit all parties, while being fully aware of the costs, in the longterm.Take, for example, the case of having two designers on a single project, even a small one, and lets look at what that meant for eachside.For the designers:Faster growthjuniors had someone to learn from, seniors built leadership skills. Exposure to a greater number of projects (even in smaller scopes) sped up experience building.Workflow fluidityit was easier to switch lanes between projects and step in where the need was greatest.Lifeand this is the most important point. When life happenedmigraine, heartbreak, or period painthere was always another person in the project who could take some of the load off your shoulders.Creative slumpseveryone has them. Theyre easier to handle when you can bounce ideas off someone who knows the context but brings fresheyes.For theclient:Peace of minddesigners often supported Product Owners, so their absence (vacation, illness) carried significant risk. A backup reduced that risk almost without extra financial cost.Faster, more effective deliverythe process was less likely to stall, and decisions could be made morequickly.For the organization:Practical standardization across projectsfrom project workflow to naming conventions inFigma.Competency mapreal, not wishful, which made career path planningeasier.Project stabilitywhich translated into financial stability for both designers and the organization.The cost? The discomfort of having to change the way youthink.All nice and shiny, right? Only how do you put it into life when a change in the organization seems big, not about financial costs, but about the discomfort of thinking and acting differently, and the organization itself has little UX awareness?You need to have a well-mapped set of stakeholders and know with whom and how to talk. Ill tell it on the example of my leader from a product company, Lidija, because what she did was puremastery.In our organization, user testing while creating software was not a standard. That really bothered me; we were working on a specialist application for a very specific professional group, I wanted to be sure it would be intuitive for them, and at the same time I couldnt look for users outside the company (the project was under NDA). So I asked Lidija forsupport.Her move was brilliant: she found in the organization people who not only had the required technical knowledge but could also become ambassadors of the testing as a standard approach. They were both managers of other products (hardware and software) and people actively engaged in company life outside the structures. This gave a chance that the topic would spreadfurther.She talked to them live (important!) and invited them to tests, so they could see with their own eyes that they can be simple, not time-consuming, and cheap. She also added a clear business argument: tests give functionality and usability based on real needs, not wishes. She warned about the cost: just half an hour once aquarter.The effect? Not only did she help us improve the product (and gave me peace of mind), but she also introduced a change that the whole organization could benefit from. Its exactly this acting beyond the usual patterns that gives it that mischievous character. Genius.TendernessAwareness, being present, and observing are one thing. Its only when you add actionor an intentional lack of actionthat tenderness happens.To me, its the most important trait of a leader, and it can show up in manyforms:Care. When Lidija first noticed Id slipped into my crazy mode (thats what she called it and, I have to admit, nailed it), she said: Ula, I can see youre rushing. Slow down. I dont want you to burn out. I think very few employees hear such genuinely caring words from an employer, leader, or client. And she managed to spot it even though wed only known each other for a few weeks, were almost 900 km apartand she still reacted with tenderness.Silent support. I wanted Patrycja and Asia to see what incredible designers they were in a bigger context. So I suggested they take part in the lska Rzecz competition (where, by the way, they succeeded). My goal was for them to see their exceptional abilities.Freedom to decide. Tenderness is also trust, allowing someone to make different decisions than I would have made myself. That goes for design choices as well as harder situations, like dealing with mobbing or defining your own careerpath.This kind of tenderness lets a leader go way beyond standard feedback tools. All the sandwiches and 360 feedback methods dont stand a chance against the feeling of truly being seen andheard.(I also love how Arvind Mehrotra frames it in How to Drive Better Outcomes with Compassionate Leadership: compassion is not just about empathy, but about concrete actions that boost both well-being and performance. Thats exactly the kind of tenderness Imean.)When a leader gives space and responds attentively, others start doing the same, first with each other, then with people outside the team. The result? A culture where you can openly talk about being overloaded, ask for help, or admit a mistake before it blowsup.Things thatconnectsDecide.Thank you.You nailedit.Do you needhelp?Why didnt it work? What did Imiss?I needhelp.I dont know, but Ill findout.Im sorry.Cost:Sometimes we work toward the organizations goals. Sometimes our own. Sometimes what your manager asks for, or the KPIs you agreed on together. And sometimessomething bigger. Something that goes beyond the project, the organization, even time and place. And then, losing ithurts.On the kitchen board, next to photos of my loved ones, hang notes from the girls. In my backpack, I still carry the Swiss army knife from Lidija. Its been years, I missthem.You could call it a cost. I call it agift.Because if you miss something, it means it was worthit.* from Gandhis Be the change you wish to see in theworld.** the DunningKruger effect is a cognitive bias where people with low expertise tend to overestimate their abilities, while those with greater knowledge often underestimate themselves because they understand the complexity of thesubject.Tender leadership with a bit of mischief was originally published in UX Collective on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.