Source:&nbsp ShutterstockWell, deck the halls and cover me in tinsel. If it isnt the end of another project stage... Joy to the world, as we deliver our deliverables, festooning the place with clay renders, barely resolved plans and co-authored spreadsheets. My patience currently dangles like a big glass bauble on the end of a spindly little branch. Brush too close and I may lose it, launching my laptop across the office collaboration space and into the ornate seasonal planting.When one stage ends, so another begins, and we were supposed to have a project kick-off workshop on Monday. But it never happened. Now its Thursday and the clients project manager is trying to funnel us through a bend in the space-time continuum, insisting that the past date both happened, and still exists in our collective future. We have therefore not started the project yet and are four days late. He seems a bit smug for a man whose Dubai work visa relies on a project that hes torpedoed in under a week.I just want to get this thing moving; I have a forest of sub-consultants twirling in their office chairs and lamenting not going skiing before the break. The problem is on the client side we cant kick off without all 35 stakeholders in one room, backbiting and scoring points amongst themselves. Not only is our smug little PM refusing to corral his client, hes twigged that my director is a people-pleaser who will do anything to keep the project alive, so is now delegating this to me.AdvertisementApparently, its for the wider project benefit that I contact his client while hes away from desk. It would just be so much better for him? Sure, maybe I can walk your dog and take your bin out while Im at it? I ignore his increasingly arse-y emails, so he escalates to calling me on Teams, at 4am UK time.When I dont answer, I get a terse call me asap thx, which I only see when I get to the office the next morning. Now its 8:54am and Im furious. He calls again, barking orders while clearly inside an airport, off on his early winter break. My director is perched on my desk like Elf on a Shelf, frantically signalling that I should just say yes and get off the line. I sigh and hang up.I consider my options. I could say the line broke up. I could throw the Scope of Works at him (we actually have one! And he signed it!). Or I could give him enough rope to hang himself. Option 3 it is.Silent merriment abounds until, at 17:46, I receive an email. Hes copied the client, his boss, my boss, and attached my own programme to help me out. We should have contacted the Clients PM to organise the kick-off meeting, like, weeks ago? He seems unaware that he is the Clients PM.Im gearing up to a spicy put-down, when his pre-emptive out of office notes hell be away for the next two weeks blissfully offline. I walk home through sleet with fists clenched. Theres a knot of indignation in my stomach. Its so unfair. I wake up with a stiff neck and resolve to defeat him with my own competence.AdvertisementNext day at the office, I launch a phone-a-thon offensive like a deranged charity caller. I speak to the client. Theyre baffled Dont we pay our PM to do this? I video-call the chief engineer, who just scowls. Yes, I know, but what are we going to do, take the blame for the project failing?Im starting to feel righteous, and foolish. Then my phone rings. Its the PMs boss.Seems she inherited him from another team, and, well. A bit out of his depth, isnt he? The client is furious and wants their money back, which is all very embarrassing. Shes so sorry for the misunderstanding. I raise a silent eyebrow. Wont happen again. Shes going to let him know that he doesnt need to come back from holiday. Howre things otherwise ?I stutter a reply, thank her for the call, and sit up in my chair. Im stunned. Discombobulated. Feeling kind of festive. Is this a MERRY-tocracy?! Throw another log on the fire and give the cat a kipper; Ill see you all in January.The Secret Architect working overseas 2024-12-23Alan Gordoncomment and share