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If you want a healthy marriage, theres two things youll have to learn first. Accept them for ... More better, or resent them for worse.gettyNobody enters a marriage expecting the worst for themselves. The hope is always to have a long, happy marriagea happily ever after. In reality, however, happily ever after is never a chance encounter, nor can it be achieved alone.A healthy marriage isnt self-sustaining; its a reciprocal dynamic that requires intentional effort from both sides. If you want it, you and your spouse have to work for it together. And if you want to work together effectively, there are two things you need to accept first.1. You Cant Change Your Partners NeedsSay, for instance, your partner enjoys playing video games on Friday nights a hobby you never really understood, and wish theyd let go of. So, every Friday, while they play a few rounds of online games with their friends, you sit and wonder why they ignore you in favor of a childish pastime.While you may not enjoy gaming, they do. And while they could certainly be spending their Friday night doing something else, no one is inherently being harmed by their choice.In fact, this choice ultimately makes them happy. You are the only one being harmed in this situation and, put bluntly, this reaction is a choice. You too could be spending your Friday night doing something fun and lighthearted. If you choose instead to spend it wishing that they would change, that cross might solely be yours to bear.The lesson here is that, in most marriages, one partners habits and coping mechanisms may be annoying or bothersome to the other, but ultimately harmless to them both in the long run. Just because you dont like these habits, it doesnt mean they need to be fixed. Trying to change your partner to check an idealized box you have in your head will only make them resentful of you.Of course, this isnt the case if these habits are overtly obnoxious or unhealthy. But having the odd need or preference that doesnt align with your own isnt a problemthis is healthy.The occasional boys or girls night, engaging in solo hobbies or simply enjoying their alone time just means that theyre looking after their own well-being. These are habits that can be maintained at the same time as a relationship. In fact, they can even contribute to the well-being of the marriage itself.According to research from the Journal of Marriage and Family, the prevailing notion that permanent companionship is the key to a happy marriage isnt necessarily universal. Instead, the study suggests that individual leisure also plays a very important role in marital satisfaction. In other words, spending time doing things you enjoy alone as well as things you both enjoy can together result in a happier marriage.So, instead of viewing your partners habits and hobbies dimly, you can take it as an opportunity for you to find your own source of self-care. While they play their games, what could you be doing to make yourself happy? Having a quiet glass of wine in the bath with a book, having dinner with friends or perhaps seeing a movie youve been wanting to watch that they have no interest in?The choice is yours: finding your source of happiness for those few hours, or spending it feeling resentful. Ultimately, the key to a balanced marriage is letting go of the mindset that their individual happiness is a threat to yours. Embrace the reality that individuality within a marriage is not only normal, but healthy and make the most of the time you have to nurture your own interests too.2. Your Partner Isnt A Mind ReaderImagine that youve just pulled into the driveway after an impromptu grocery shopping haul. Youve got more bags to carry inside than you can handle in one trip. You know your partner is inside, upstairs. You think to yourself, Well, Im sure theyll come down to help me when they hear me come inside.You take in the first load of bags, but your partner doesnt emerge nor do they emerge after the second and third trips. You take this as a sign that they were uninterested in assisting you. But as youre busy packing the groceries away, you hear them coming down the stairs.At this point, youre a bit irritated and flustered as youve been left to sort this task out on your own. But after greeting you and seeing the immense number of groceries, your partner asks, Why didnt you tell me youd been shopping? I wouldve come down to help. Annoyed, you tell them that you figured theyd come help when they heard you arrive, and when they didnt, you assumed that they just didnt want to help.Should the partner have helped in this situation? Certainly; no partner should have to shoulder the burden of household labor entirely on their own. However, the problem isnt that they didnt help its that they didnt know they were supposed to.In a perfect world, partners would know exactly when, what and how we need help with certain taskswithout us having to tell them. But its not a perfect world. Your partner would have to be able to read your mind to know these exact details, and, unfortunately, mind-reading is still science-fiction.In fact, research from Marriage and Families suggests this to be one of the most prominent dysfunctional beliefs about marital satisfaction that is, that a spouse should be able to read the others mind. These mind-reading beliefs, as the researchers call them, are mythical; they assume a non-existent psychic connection between partners.In reality, marriage teaches us that if you need something, you have to communicate it. While some solvable problems are clear to the naked eye like a leaky faucet or an empty fridge others are invisible. This is why communication is the essence and lifeblood of a functional marriage.Your partner wont help you carry groceries after a shopping trip that they were unaware of. They wont take the kids out for the day if theyre unaware of the fact that youre in desperate need of some alone time. In other words, your partner cant be the hero you need them to be if theyre blind to the fact that youre in need of a savior.Expecting your partner to intuitively know your needs will only set you up for disappointment. A happy marriage requires consistent open communication and transparencyeven when it feels vulnerable or nagging to say what you really need. If you know your partner wants a happy marriage just as much as you do, you have to trust that theyll be there for you when youre in need and asking for help.Do you believe your spouse should be able to read your mind? Take this science-backed test, and find out if such marital myths are impacting your relationship: Belief In Marital Myths Scale