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Imposter syndrome, perfectionism and people pleasing are just some of the pervasive norms weve come to acceptand even expectfrom high-achievers. And when we hear advice about how we can mitigate this internal strife, we hear phrases like fake it to you make it. All too often, the self-criticism, insecurity, and harsh self-judgement remains.Take for example Sara, a high-achieving marketing director who recently had a major campaign launch falter. When reality fell significantly short of projected targets, she immediately blamed herself. I spiraled into harsh self-criticism, working excessive hours, and neglecting my wellbeing to try and make up for what wed lost. I knew I was being too hard on myselfbut I thought if I could just push through, Id be able to salvage some success.If this sounds familiar, youre not alone. Many leaders struggle to show themselvescompassion, in part due to the archaic belief that we have to push ourselves harder and harder to achieve results. As a result, we end up tying so much of our self-worth to our outputs, which is a dangerous territory. Butresearch showsthat we can achieve incredible results by cultivating self-compassion and fiercelyholding ourselves accountablewhile being kind to ourselves along the way.Self-compassion is not weaknessAccording to leading researcher and editor of theHandbook of Self-CompassionAmy Finlay-Jones, self-compassion is treating yourself with the same kindness you would offer a dear friend. And as Finlay-Jones explained to us, an increasing body of research shows that its crucial for effective leadership.Dont confuse self-compassion with self-indulgence or self-care. As Finlay-Jones framed it, self-compassion isnt just about being nice to ourselves. Instead, its similar to replacing self-criticism with self-understanding and acknowledging our humanity.She emphasized, Its not about letting ourselves off the hook, but about approaching challenges with a more balanced perspective, which fosters both self-kindness and a commitment to growth.Resilience through self-compassionStudies show that leaders who are self-compassionate are better equipped tohandle stress, navigate setbacks. They also create a more supportive team environment. Thats because self-compassionate leaders have increased emotional regulation which reduces thelikelihood of burnoutand fosters work environments that are positive and nurturing.Leaders who cultivate self-compassion are also better equipped to handle setbacks and support their teams through adversity because they possess a stronger ability to take accountability for their behavior, for their lives, Finlay-Jones explained. Leaders who are highly self-critical, on the other hand, are more likely to project blame elsewhere out of insecurity and fear or failure.Reap the benefits of self-compassionWhen leaders show themselves a lack of compassion, like Sara did, it often leads to counterproductive behaviors and undesirable outcomes for themselves and their teams. In contrast, self-compassion can lead to the following benefits, which extends beyond the individual:Better emotional regulation:Self-compassion improves emotional regulation, which is crucial for leaders facing stressful situations. Finlay-Jones emphasized the importance of being aware of how were feeling during times of difficulty and really being curious about our emotions and our experiences. This allows leaders to manage their emotional responses more effectively, which prevents impulsive decisions.Reduced burnout and increased resilience:The relentless demands of leadership often lead to burnout. However, self-compassion acts as a buffer against this. By treating themselves with kindness and understanding, leaders can prevent the downward spiral of self-criticism and exhaustion. This allows for a more compassionate response to setbacks.Improved decision-making:Interestingly, when faced with difficult decisions, self-compassionate leaders are less likely to succumb toemotional biasesand more likely to consider multiple perspectives.Stronger team dynamics and increased collaboration:By modeling self-compassionate behaviors, leaders encourage open communication, mutual respect, and a shared sense of purpose. Finlay-Jones shares that self-compassion can contribute to a leaders ability to create a culture of psychological safety where team members feel safe to make mistakes and learn from them.Enhanced ethical leadership:Self-compassion promotes ethical leadership by encouraging leaders to prioritize the individual wellbeing of their teams and make decisions based on empathy and fairness. Leaders who practice self-compassion are better at recognizing and addressing issues of injustice and inequality.4 ways to improve your self-compassionIf youre looking for ways to bolster your self-compassion and improve your leadership, you might want to consider the following practices:Cultivate mindfulness:This involves developing the ability to observe your thoughts and emotions without judgment. Recognize them as transient experiences rather than fixed realities. Says Finlay-Jones, Its about being aware of how were feeling during times of difficulty, and really being curious about our emotions and our experiences.Embrace shared humanity:An important component of self-compassion is understanding that were not alone in our struggles. On the contrary, even for leaders, setbacks and difficult emotions are a universal part of the human experience. This perspective shifts the focus from flagellating yourself with blame, judgement and even shame, to a more compassionate understanding of what youre going through.Practice self-kindness:Imagine your dearest friend, a child or another loved one. Now imagine extending the same empathy, understanding, and compassion to yourself that would extend to that person. What would that look and feel like? What language or gestures would you use to demonstrate your empathy, understanding and compassion towards that person? How might it feel to direct that language and those gestures of kindness towards yourself?Establish healthy boundaries:Many people struggle to extend kindness to themselves. The yin and yang of self-compassion, as Finlay Jones noted, recognises the need for both tender self-care and assertive boundary-setting. This requires the courage to say no to unreasonable demands.Cultivating self-compassion is not a once off, but an ongoing process that requires regular practice and self-reflection. High achievers might find it uncomfortable, but leaders who embrace self-compassion stand to enhance their wellbeing and create a more positive, supportive, and successful work environment.
