
The Nintendo Switch traumatized my family and I cannot forgive it
www.polygon.com
Halfway through October 2021 my youngest daughter, just 7 years old at the time, came to me with concern in her eyes. The Nintendo Switch wouldnt turn on, and its last few moments of operation were concerning. Something about a download that had just completed, she said, and a button that said update. That was the end of the line for that particular unit, but only the beginning of my troubles with a console that would proceed to try my patience until this very day an experience that makes me loath to consider buying the Nintendo Switch 2.The Hall family had been victim to a technical snafu as old as mobile devices themselves, the dreaded low-power firmware update. Thats when a device, like an iPhone or a graphics card or a $250 red-and-black plastic hunk of shit, loses power while its upgrading its most important layer of software. Firmware refers to the pieces of code that tell a device that its a device and not a 398-gram brick, and as I took the tripartite console from her tiny little hands where it was cradled like a dead bird I knew that it was a total loss. But that wasnt the worst part.Inside that black mirror of despair were dozens of tiny, furry neighbors her digital friends from Animal Crossing: New Horizons. The new island backup feature had only recently been introduced, and her idiot father hadnt yet taken the time to perform the arcane rites required to save a Nintendo Switch game to the cloud.Her friends were all dead, of that I was sure. So, too, was the bell-selling knickknack shop that she and her older sister had built from scratch before showing it off on the Polygon Twitch channel. My house, my wifes house, those damnable ladders and bridges that took weeks to build, and, of course, the peach trees that we all loved so much none of them were ever coming back.Ultimately, its my fault. Im the user here, and it was my error. But I get to be angry at Nintendo for not making something like backing up hundreds of hours of irretrievable gameplay, shared joyfully during the darkest days of the COVID-19 pandemic, just a little bit easier or dare I say it a feature that gets turned on automatically from the start.Everything about the Switch is a quirk, and some of them are more obnoxious than othersBut Nintendo doesnt treat the cloud like other console manufacturers do. It doesnt treat online storefronts like other console manufacturers do, either. Or onboard storage. Or game cartridges. Or online multiplayer. Or friends lists. Or televisions, for that matter. Everything about the Switch is a quirk, and some of them are more obnoxious than others.While having our original Nintendo Switch replaced by a refurbished one set me back pert near $120, Ive easily spent at least that much buying additional controllers over the years. Both of the original Joy-Cons that shipped with our original Switch suffered from Joy-Con drift, something that my children suffered through wordlessly for months before I realized it.What is happening to Mario? I asked one day while watching the girls play in the basement.Oh, thats just how the controllers work now, said my oldest. I was incredulous. There is no scenario where I would accept anything other than absolute obeisance from a human input device, but here my kids were making do, trying to complete nefarious jumping puzzles with a joystick that was barely capable of walking a virtual avatar in a straight line. Suffice it to say that they eventually lost the taste for piloting the tiny red plumber especially when it took the better part of two months to get our controllers back after being repaired under the warranty.When the next two broke, I just threw them away. It wasnt even worth a trip to the post office for me.Today were in a better place, thanks. The girls both have healthy relationships with video game consoles like the Xbox Series X, with iPhones and iPads, and with Windows PCs, as well as a catalog of games that each of them can call home. But they remain literally afraid of the Nintendo Switch, a console that let them down multiple times for various reasons. I cant even coax them to bring it along for road trips.They wont forget that experience, and I wont either. And thats why Im waving off the Nintendo Switch 2. Ive got enough to worry about in the year of our lord 2025 that risking a visitation from another wonky portable console isnt even on my radar.
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