1 Simple Habit That Separates Happy Couples From Struggling Ones
Do you think affection is just “nice to have”? Recent psychological research shows it may be ... More essential to your relationship’s success.getty
Most people probably have a general sense that physical affection matters in a relationship. But according to recent research published in the Archives of Sexual Behavior, many couples might be underestimating just how much of an impact these behaviors actually have — not just on how connected they feel to each other, but on how genuinely satisfied they are in their relationship and sex life overall.
The study, which surveyed a diverse group of adults in committed relationships, identified three distinct patterns of physical behavior between partners. As it turns out, these patterns were strongly associated with different levels of both relationship and sexual satisfaction. One group, in particular, stood out as consistently happier — and more sexually fulfilled — than the others.
Here’s what these categories actually look like in real relationships, and why, according to the study, they matter more than you might think.
1. Infrequent Physical Behaviors
The first group — those who reported infrequent physical behaviors — also reported the lowest levels of sexual and relationship satisfaction overall. This included low engagement in both affectionate and sexual physical contact, and only a moderate amount of behaviors like kissing or hugging.
While this might seem like an intuitive finding, it’s worth pausing to consider what this actually looks like in a long-term relationship. Some partners might be quick to say, “That doesn’t sound like us.” But in reality, it’s the smallest, most easily overlooked moments that tend to matter the most.
These kinds of couples might share a home, a calendar, even pets or kids. However, over time, the small gestures that were once littered throughout their daily routine might begin to fade. They may wake up next to each other, but without touching each other. They might say goodbye before heading to work, but without a hug or kiss. They sit together at dinner, maybe watching a show, but there’s no arm around the shoulder or hand resting on a knee.
These behaviors may seem insignificant on their own. But, without them, partners may start to feel as though something isn’t quite the same anymore — that something’s off, or missing. They may very well still love each other deeply, and declare this love verbally. But, without being paired with anything tangible, verbal expression alone might not be enough of a reminder.
In this context, physical closeness cannot be discounted as a mere means for pleasure or comfort. In reality, it’s one of the most meaningful acts — both physically and metaphorically — of reaching for one another. These small, physical habits may be inconspicuous, but they’re perhaps one of the most potent ways for partners to remind each other that their love, attraction and affection are still alive and kicking.
When physical intimacy slumps — especially the everyday, affectionate kind — emotional intimacy may gradually follow suit. In time, tight-knit partners may eventually start segregating; the relationship may become more logistical than it is loving. And, as the researchers suggest, even without active conflict or major issues, the absence of physical connection can silently pull a couple’s sense of closeness apart.
2. Affection-Focused Behaviors
The second group, who prioritized affection-focused behaviors, frequently engaged in affectionate physical behaviors — like hugging, cuddling and kissing — but were less engaged in sexual behaviors. Interestingly, these couples reported very similar levels of relationship satisfaction as those in the highest-performing group, and moderately high sexual satisfaction.
This finding alone speaks to just how important the little, everyday gestures of intimacy can matter to your partner. As the research shows, couples who take the time to prioritize these moments — or have already made them an unspoken norm — will feel their benefits palpably.
A morning cuddle before getting out of bed. A kiss on the forehead while cooking dinner. Holding hands while watching TV. A reassuring squeeze on the arm during a hard conversation.
These aren’t ostentatious. They’re not even overtly sexual. But they’re consistent, gentle ways for partners to reaffirm how much they value each other’s physical presence in their day. These physical touchpoints, no matter how small or unconscious they are, allow partners to remain emotionally tethered in turn.
Affection-focused behaviors, even in the absence of frequent sex, communicate fondness in ways that words simply can’t. They may also help partners feel desired; they tenderly signify yearning in both a sexual and emotional way. This could explain why these couples tend to feel satisfied in their relationship, even if their sex life isn’t especially active.
In other words, you don’t need a wildly active sex life to feel close to your partner. But you do need touch. Without it, even the most loving relationships can start to feel emotionally lackluster.
3. Comprehensive Physical Behaviors
Finally, the third group — those who engaged in comprehensive physical behaviors — reported the highest levels of both sexual and relationship satisfaction. These couples were regularly affectionate and sexually active. This is the Goldilocks zone of relationships: not just emotional, not just physical, but a strong and contented blend of both.
This dual emphasis on touch evokes intimacy in many unparalleled ways. These are the kinds of couples who greet each other with a kiss, rest their feet against each other under the dinner table, exchange casual touches while walking through a store — and, just as importantly, they intentionally make time for sex. Not out of obligation, but out of shared desire and enjoyment.
In these relationships, touch is frequent, varied and holistic. It’s not limited to special occasions or bedroom-only interactions. It punctuates each segment of their daily routine. And, importantly, affection and sexual touch aren’t at odds; in fact, one often fuels the other. When affection is consistent, sex doesn’t feel like a pressure point. And when sex is satisfying, it tends to reinforce a couple’s emotional closeness.
Researchers suggest that such a well-rounded approach to physical intimacy may be the key to both short-term pleasure and long-term connection.
There’s a growing belief that physical intimacy is somehow less “serious” or “real” than emotional intimacy, but this study challenges that assumption. For many couples, physical closeness is the gateway to emotional connection. It softens tension. It reinforces attraction. And it reminds partners that they are more than just roommates or co-parents — they’re still in love.
Is your relationship thriving? Or could it just be surviving? Take this science-backed test to learn more: Relationship Flourishing Scale
English
Arabic
French
Spanish
Portuguese
Deutsch
Turkish
Dutch
Italiano
Russian
Portuguese (Brazil)
Greek